Ambient lighting cut by laser beams. Scanning a mirage of strangers, blurred vision brought to focus by the sight of someone you know. Brushed shoulders, rosy cheeks, standing jammed in the corner of a sweaty room. The DJ plays a “hands in the air kind” of song but you can’t move enough to lift your arms. Grief for the tranquility you had before entering the room is shortened by inescapable reminders of the present moment. We wonder why we come here.
Yet we return here. We adorn ourselves and we come here to this humid room trying to forget the freezing, dry constant overdrive. Wanting to control when and how we feel encapsulated by our surroundings. Sometimes, the anxiety is painted over by the comfort of a song you once loved.
The motions, the words, the actions of those around us can make us feel like we’re trapped in a never-ending, revolving door of stimulation. It is moments such as these where you seek to find something that will make the noise stop, something that is so consoling, it allows you to digest the things around you.
At times, feeling everything is inordinately much. What is happening around us can somehow feel isolating. Feelings difficult to face when standing in a place supposedly fraught with euphoric vibrations.
This sense of confinement can easily swallow us whole as we inhabit an exceedingly detached society. Our social atmospheres are constantly buzzing with obligations and kickbacks, filtered by colored lights, buzzing with constant chatter, bustling with movement and people. We feel alone in crowded rooms.
Searching for pockets of air in moments like these, contemplating how to adjust yourself to the environment or how much you’d like to be absent. When searching for solace, a song can be the only thing recognizable in a sea of unknown faces, ringing notifications and overdue assignments. Being immersed in a song uniquely our own can remind us of our autonomy even when we feel we have no jurisdiction.
“How do you find yourself in times of overwhelming overdrive?”
“My song.”
Your song. A melodic tune that would be able to find you through the thickly spoken conversations echoing at a party, and ground you when completing overwhelmingly difficult assignments. Your song allows you to delve into a consoling moment of your past in order to help you confront the daunting present.
I asked my friends what songs make them feel alone in a crowded room, and this is what they said:
My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski
Used to be friends by Searows
Kiss of Life by Sade
My Sweet Lord by George Harrison
I Follow Rivers by Marika Hackman
Crazy Story, Pt. 3 by King Von
Bloom by Paper Kites
Florence sur les Champs-Élysées by Miles Davis
Day Dreaming by Aretha Franklin
Right Now by Gracie Abrams
Always by Daniel Caesar
Cherry by Harry Styles
XOXO by Cherub
What’d I say, Pt. 1 & 2 by Ray Charles
Little Bit by Lykke Li